Gay or european?

There! Right there!
Look at that tan, that tinted skin
Look at the killer shape he's in
Look at that slightly stubly chin
Oh please he's gay, totally gay
I'm not about to celebrate
Every trait could indicate
The totally straight expotriate
This guy's not gay, I say not gay

That is the elephant in the room
Well is it relevant to assume
That a man who wears perfume
Is automatically matically fay?
But look at his quoft and crispy locks
Look at his silk translucent socks
There's the eternal paradox
Look what we're seeing

What are we seeing?
Is he gay?
Of course he's gay
Or european?
Oh
Gay or european?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or european?

Well, hey don't look at me
You see they bring their boys up different
In those charming foreign ports
They play peculiar sports
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks
They will say things like: Ciao, bella
While they kiss you on both cheeks

Oh, please
Gay or european?
So many shades of gray
Depending on the time of day
The french go either way
Is he gay or european?
Or
There! Right there!
Look at that condescending smirk
Seen it on every guy at work
That is a metro-hetro jerk
That guy's not gay, I say, no way

That is the elephant in the room
Well is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume
Is automatically-radically
Ironically-cronically
Scurtinly-curtainly
Genetically-netically
Gay!
Officially gay!
Officially gay gay gay gay
Dammit

Gay or european?
So stylish and relaxed
Is he gay or european?
I think his chest is waxed
But they bring their boys up different there
It's culturally diverse
It's not a fashion curse

If he wears a kilt or bears a purse
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code
Yet his accent is hypnotic
But his shoes are pointy toed
Huh
Gay or european?
So many shades of gray

But if he turns out straight I'm free at 8 on saturday
Is he gay or european?
Gay or european?
Gay or euro-
Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy
I have an idea I'd like to try

The floor is yours
So mr. Argitacos
This alleged affair with ms. Windam has been going on for? Two years
And your first name again is? Nicos
And your boyfriend's name is? Carlos
I'm sorry. I misunderstand, you say boyfriend
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend
You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it
I no cover for you, no more!

Peoples
I have a big announcement
This man is gay and european!
And neither is his place
You've got to stop your being
A completely closet case
It's me not her he's seeing
No matter what he say
I sware he never ever ever swing the other way
You are so gay
You big parfait!
You flaming boy in cabaret

Nicos
I'm straight!

Carlos
You were not yesterday
So if I may, I'm proud to say
He's gay!

And european!
He's gay!
And european!
He's gay!
And european and gay!
Fine, okay, I'm gay!
Hooray!
Carlos and nico: Fine. Okay. We're gay!