I hope you know

There's some things that I'd like to say before this sayings done,
Living on my mind the entire time that I've been on the run,
I tried to play it off like it never bothered me,
But now I'll never get the chance and now you'll never see,
And even though I hated you almost all the time
I never wished for you to die, I always wished that you reclined,
What were the circumstances and I'll weigh out the odds,
And get to live the normal life that we've dreamt about so much,
And I hope that wherever you are,
I'm sorry I wasn't there, from the bottom of my heart.

I'm sorry that when you would call I'd shut my ringer off,
And I'm sorry I always made (something) to patch things up.
If there's one fault of mine that I won't soon forget,
And that was never being there when you were on the bed,
I got the news in California, sick with what you had,
I was layed up in the hospital with pneumonia in my chest.
I felt the pain that you had felt everyday of your life,
I relived all my selfishness and finally shed the light,

And I hope you know whenever you are,
I'm sorry I wasn't there from the bottom of my heart.